Steve, Isabel, and I were making our way to Sutter Memorial Hospital to say goodbye to our little boy and brother. I am shocked by how quickly it has passed. Five years. I try to imagine him going to kindergarten and losing teeth like Isabel. I wonder what his personality and temperament would be like. Such a hard and difficult day for us... definitely no mascara today.
Last year I felt really good on this day because I donated blood at an emergency preparedness day that our stake had organized. While there I was given a special sticker and treated really important because I'm O negative. I felt really good knowing that I was helping someone.
Then as I had my bag about halfway full, one of the techs said very nonchalantly, "you have helped save nine little babies today". I looked at her, thinking that I surely did not hear her correctly. So I asked again, and she went on to explain that from the pint (I think that's the right amount) of blood that I was donating, nine babies could be helped. As I was driving home I couldn't think of a better way to honor my little boy on the day that we lost him. My heart was so full that I said a prayer of gratitude to Heavenly Father for showing me something I could do to give meaning to my feelings on a painful day.
I decided that donating was a good way to celebrate his memory as well as to give some other struggling babies a fighting chance. That somehow I might be able to pass the gift of life on to other families even though I couldn't secure it for my own son. I decided that is what I would do every September 25. Blood drive or no blood drive, I would find a way to donate. Today I am a little more bummed than usual because I cannot donate due to other health issues. I know there's nothing that I can do about, but it just stinks.
I don't mean to be a downer today, but that is where I'm coming from. All days can't be perfect. All days can't be peaches and cream, sunshine and butterflies. So I'm gonna hold my kids a little longer when I give them hugs today. I'm going to tell Steve that I love him a lot more and snuggle while watching tv. I'm going to give thanks for every little thing in my prayers tonight. I'm going to be grateful for life itself; the good and the bad, the joyful and the sorrowful.
Maybe that's a good thing for all of us to do.
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2 comments:
Audry :)
Miss not being in the ward, looks like I need to learn more about people, I had no idea of your loss. I know that with out great hospitals, DR's and nurses mine wouldnt be here today. We spent to many long days in the NICU with my 4 yr old karlie when she entered this earth life, while she faught to hold onto life.I am so greatful for the knowledge of the gospel that gets us through such tough and painful times in this life.
We donate change to the change bandit event every year they have at valley childrens its a great way to help other little ones in need and fighting to hold on to life as well. The change bandit is going on right now in the central valley, just an idea!!!Giving hope to some one else when you have been through it yourself always makes you feel a little better . Dosent heal the pain or loss but helps :) I will keep you in my prayers this day.
Kelly Max
www.maxfamily4.blogspot.com
make me cry why don't you... i'm going to call & see if robert or myself can donate on his behalf it might not be today but... you moved me. i hope you scrap this. love you lots. mariana
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